love's just a bubble

if_isayso @ 2008-05-12T12:41:00

2008-05-12T16:53:06Z

my LJ is back in action. i'm sort of regretting cheating on it with ms bloggerina. i had some good times with ms bloggerina, don't get me wrong, but it needs to end before it goes any further.

so i'm alllmost done with my junior year of college. i have two more papers to bullshit and then i will be good to go. hopefully i can get one of them done between today and tomorrow. actually that is kind of necessary because it is due tomorrow night at midnight. cool.

i have to go back to westfield tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff. i also have to turn in a paper for TJ and pick up some stuff for him at his old house. i realize i may be being too nice to a guy who was never really extremely good to me but i'm over it because i'm pretty much driving right by his house anyways so its not that out of the way for me at all. should be interesting though, he's gonna have to either come to my house or meet up with me somewhere to get his stuff. yesterday we had a little heart to heart conversation about how his previous relationship just blew up in his face. then he decided to tell me that he considers me his number one bang. good stuff. i was actually really flattered because i feel like people are insecure about their sexual skills and thats one thing that is rarely complimented. so i'm the best sex tj's ever had? cool. he also said i'm the best looking naked. wow. so why aren't we having this mind blowing hot sex every night of our lives, tj? because hes a complete monkey ass tool. maybe someday he'll grow out of it.

i have to go get my hearing aid fixed. eh.

there's leftover pad thai in the fridge from last night's mother's day celebration. i'm pretty excited about eating it.

i'm pretty excited to start work and hang out in boston every day. jimmy's internship is one T-stop away from mine so we are gonna chillax on a daily basis. amanda's apartment is two blocks away so i'm gonna crash there as much as possible. sooo that's cool. ok its 1 p.m and i haven't done anything all day except yell at devlin and think about eating pad thai.

so long! farewell!

good things never die

2007-06-06T04:50:21Z

i joined a gym today and it feels good. maybe not so much when i wake up tomorrow.

i watched a movie from my MOVIES YOU MUST WATCH list, that feels good too. over the past year or so, i've realized how many good movies i haven't seen, so with the help of some friends i started a list. tonight i watched shawshank redemption, it was really freaking good.

i went out to dinner with my fam tonight at this really nice italian place in downtown nashua called villa banca. i ate chicken and shrimp over linguini with spinach and tomatoes, it was the yummiest thing i've had since tortellonis with nia.

bermuda is soon!

won't you let me walk you home from school?

2007-05-30T22:35:20Z

things have been pretty fabulous lately. i'm no longer white as a ghost and this makes me happy, but don't judge me. i visited medway this weekend for laura's graduation and i saw jenny and nicola and kara. it was good to see their shining faces. now i need to see xtie but she's too busy making messes loling all over the place and throwin d's.

today i had orientation for my job, it went pretty smoothly. then i chilled (literally) at lindsay's pool and now i'm home, showered, hungry, and waiting for dinner. who knows what the rest of the evening will bring.

elliott smith stabbed himself in the chest twice and then he died. isn't that like the worst method of committing suicide? how would you do it? its kinda twisted to think about i guess. but there seriously has to be a better way.

i'm hooked on lost and some may say i'm stupid for this (you know who you are) but its addicting and i might as well watch it until it gets bad, right?

i went to a party and got drunk the other night. and for those who know me, they know that this is a rare occurrence (did i spell that right?) for me when i'm home. it was actually fun and i saw a ton of kids that i used to hang out with a lot when i was with good ol' deverwin.

my laptop is making me hot.
signing off!!

where's this land of equal opportunity

2007-05-23T17:16:43Z

summer reading has commenced which makes my life that much cooler. i started reading a book i had originally bought for a class, but we were never assigned to read it. so when i was going through books to sell, i found it and decided it looked decent. its about a bunch of different cases taken to the supreme court concerning race, religion, abortion, basically everything controversial. its pretty good stuff and i don't hate jehovah's witnesses anymore. so that's worth it, right?

i had an interview this morning, i pretty much owned it. i don't even know anything about elderly people and somehow i answered 37 out of 40 test questions correctly. yeah i thought it was kinda weird that there was a test included in the application but i guess they don't want just any jackass working with the community's coveted senior citizens. i hesitated putting mcdonalds down as a previously held job, until the girl sitting next to me asked me how to spell restaurant and she's writing down the same mcdonald's i worked at. she didn't look familiar either which might tell you a thing or two about crew turnover. so i figured working at a law firm for two years balances out working at a grimy fast food place for two years. agreed? so orientation is next wednesday and i'll probably do this job until i start my oh-so-sophisticated internship in boston.

so i went to dunkin donuts with devlin (hows that for alliteration!) and helped him unpack stuff from school. he's still a little punkass, its good to know that some things never change. i came home to take a nap and it was going pretty smoothly until my phone rang seriously 6 times in a row. i swear that only happens when you don't want people to call you.

lindsay and i are getting haircuts in about an hour. nothing too drastic, i've got a good response rate going with my long locks. stfu christie.

word on the street is 90 degree temps this friday. good thing i have friendz with poolz.

might be seeing some medwaynians this weekend due to my cousin graduating college. hollaaaa

a year in review

2007-05-16T02:53:01Z

as a whole i feel like we've been through a hell of a year. jenny and i were read our miranda rights as we were accused of committing a felony. we went to six flags. sara got a 10/100 combined with a 5-5-50. this is around the time 386 RIPed. we lost kara in downtown springfield for several hours. i got mono around halloween. i swear i hooked up with a gay kid. it took forever to snow. christie tried to beat up me and nicola, resulting in just smashing her cell phone to pieces. kara went to california. nicola went out with garrett and then they broke up cause he went psycho. we said goodbye to our dear lauren ashworth. jenny and christie didn't speak for a long time. sara became a foam monster and tried attacking me while i was driving home from the bar. i didn't speak to her for a long time. nicola and i met the highest girl in the world while waiting for AAA to unlock matt nelson's car. jenny and christie became friends again. we taped nips to our legs on the same night where we looked the classiest we've looked all year. kara and i confirmed our love for emos. i went to my first cool show, actually i went to 3 cool shows. christie got special piercings. i almost got the most emo boyfriend in the world, and i still dunno why it didn't work. nicola printed a million cupcakes. we almost saw dinosaur footprints. we successfully made appearances at five legitimate parties in one night. i got into a 21+ bar without an ID. nicola and i almost died together on the bathroom floor, and proceeded to go in a chatroom afterwards. i smashed up my car. i got stoned on 4/20 for the first time. christie questioned her sexuality. jenny got a boyfriend.

somewhere in between all that, we studied and did mad homework.

there's a color divide, its not black or white, its green

2007-05-12T21:55:28Z

today i went on a harbor cruise in boston for my grandparents' 50th anniversary. it was a pretty good time, i always enjoy making fun of weird relatives with my brothers and counting how many times someone comments on either a) my brother's height (he's almost 6'5) or b) how much i resemble my mother. which doesn't bother me at all, i think my mom was a total babe when she was my age. that makes me wanna quote mean girls right here, "so, you think you're pretty?" haha christie i hope you appreciate that cause i never quote movies

anyways. they pulled up in a limo and we were holding signs that said "happy 50th" in big letters. it was fun, i love genuinely surprising the hell out of people. the boat was huge, like four floors and an outdoor deck on top. there were these 4 performers, two girls and two guys, who were wicked tacky and dressed up funny and dancing and singing corny songs. but for some reason i couldn't stop watching them. they were like weirdly addicting, like a corny 'nsync song or something. they sang a slow pretty song for my grandparents and we all stood around them while they danced. it was kind of a moment during which i realized the following things:

a) how can two people still be so smitten with each other after 50 years?
b) i'll never get to do this with my own parents
c) am i ever going to celebrate my own 50th anniversary, or am i going to continue getting bored after like a month into any kind of relationship?

yeah. i teared up a little when they were dancing. my mom did too. i guess all those dumb relatives were right, i am just like her. haha, kidding. kinda.

the food was good and we just so happened to be sharing the boat with a huge party of folks from a church outside of boston. so basically they were all black and hilarious. when the electric slide came on (yes, that cheesy), they all came rushing to the dance floor. it amazes me how every single black person has better rhythm than every single white person. okay that was overgeneralizing but seriously. put a bunch of each race on the dance floor and its quite a show.

tomorrow's mother's day and also my b-day celebration. since when are greeting cards five dollars? f'n ripoff.

what if i'd been born 50 years before you

2007-05-06T23:31:10Z

salve.

i'd like to start off this update by saying that there are so many things i should be doing instead of updating. but alas, i have an undying devotiong to my livejournal that is unmatchable by any type of academia. blahblahblah

ben folds is one romantic dude.

its the end of the last weekend of my sophomore year. i might not be returning to westfield until next january, which is really weird to me. i feel like i'm just gonna be here forever. which makes me wonder how i'm gonna feel when we're all graduating. its weird to me the different kinds of friendships you can make with different people. for example, i feel extremely close to my friends here because of all the time we've spent together. but i feel extremely close to my friends at home, we grew up together, we know each other's families and have gone through grade school to high school together. although i'm close to both, the two cannot even be compared. its a weird concept to comprehend.

i'm excited for summer. i may possibly be getting the best job ever (yeah we really got lucky! - piebald) and also i feel like lots of other cool things are gonna happen. here's a starter list of cool things:
-5 days in bermuda
-week on chappy
-week in a mansion in falmouth heights (with visits from kerry and sara, ooh yes)
-maine with ker
-my stepsister's wedding
-keith urban concert
-other miscellaneous events that will also rule

i dunno how i'm gonna pull off getting that many vacation days especially with this oh-so-important job i might be getting. but i hope it works out somehow.

this tuesday is my 20th birthday, and i think my momma is coming up. i dunno if she's bringing my brothers or what, but i'm excited either way. i feel really weird about turning 20. i feel like i will never feel as old as my age tells me i am. my external self is aging faster than my internal self. but not even. i don't really think i look any older than i did in high school. aging is strange. shit's whack

i have about 73 finals and 27 papers to write this week. the next time i write i will probably be home (!)

clean as a whistle and sharp as a razor

2007-04-29T07:20:49Z

today i watched two movies in their entirety. this never happens. and i'm stuck on this quote that i'm going to share with you, from crash:

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

minus the LA part, i think its pretty relateable (sp?). crash was a really good movie, brings out emotions that you didnt really know existed. thats deep ish i tell ya. i also watched bobby, but i had already seen that and its good as well

this weekend was alright. i almost went home but then i didn't. i think i'm glad i stayed, except today was kinda boring and uneventful and i really need to bring stuff home to make move-out day a little less stressful. ehhhhh i hate thinking about that day, i'm going to be a ball of tears/anxiety/excitement/every other emotion ever created. i'm really looking forward to the summer though

last night was pretty fun, i got crunkstyle with my right hand champ, kara e brooks, and a bunch of other people who are almost as cute as her. i'm pretty sure i hit my head on something, i have a bump on it and i've had the worst headache alllll day. i guess thats the price you pay to have a rockin good time

today i spent all day with jenny watching movies and eating food. its been relaxing and i'm excited to sleep in tomorrow. i miss niapolitan.

ugh. tj is talking to me now and i have lost all motivation to continue writing. until next time...!

if_isayso @ 2007-04-24T11:55:00

2007-04-24T16:12:36Z

the weather is finally amazing and i give it 100% credit for putting everyone in better moods. yesterday was like 80-something degrees and i totally didnt mind getting up for my 9:20 for once. too bad i skipped my 1:40 though :/ we went on an excursion and i ate so much food that i don't know if i'll ever be hungry again. christie made some interesting jewelry purchases, to say the least. i was surprised/relieved that it didnt come out the way i originally imagined. wooo christie! we sat on the side of a river and contemplated the meaning of life. it was refreshing. today is nice too but not as hot. i haven't been outside yet.

ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends are the newest weird concept to me. like, do we really ever get over them? and first loves. are we just hurting everyone else that we ever try to be with besides them? my ex-boyfriend is still the person i compare everyone to, and no one ever measures up. i guess i just feel like someone always ends up hurt. and i know that i'm not the only one who does this. its really a mystery to me, like what's the point of breaking up, screwing around with other people, just to get back together with the person you broke up with and completely regretting screwing around? do we actually learn anything from all of it?

anyways...so i applied for an internship position in boston and i'm crossing my fingers, toes and eyes that i get it. i am basically screwed if i don't. my aunt has helped me so much, i need to buy her a teddy bear or something.

i like how i can relate to practically every song by the fray. i want an ipod!

if_isayso @ 2007-04-12T15:16:00

2007-04-12T19:26:13Z

so i have been informally diagnosed with peritonsillar abcess, which are fancy terms for an infection in my throat. its extremely painful, making it difficult for me to sleep and eat. this, for lack of a better word, sucks. but anyways...

today it is rainy and i don't mind it until i have to go to class in about 10 minutes. i want to be able to go out with my friends tonight but i'm not sure how smart that would be with this ish happening in my throat. hmm we shall see.

ok i have to go to world lit now. its been lovely chatting with you

if_isayso @ 2007-04-10T22:07:00

2007-04-11T02:09:15Z

tommygirl3142: sara is offering to get me high
tommygirl3142: and i cant refuse
r Oc Ko64 5: noo dont go
tommygirl3142: well i'm not going anywehre
r Oc Ko64 5: oh good
tommygirl3142: can i tell you a secret

....and meanwhile i am smoking out of my window and i come back 5 minutes later to read this....

r Oc Ko64 5: yeah
r Oc Ko64 5: waiitting
r Oc Ko64 5: this is like that song "and then i got high"
r Oc Ko64 5: i was gonna tell joe a secret and then i got high

hahahahhahaha

if_isayso @ 2007-04-10T21:26:00

2007-04-11T01:57:16Z

i never really considered myself one of those people who is always sick until i came to college. i have gotten so many sore throats, colds, monos, chicken pox, okay jk. but seriously, my throat is so sore. it makes it hard for me to do my favorite thing: eat!

crap i didnt realize that i wasnt going to have time to finish this. i have to go! bye!

somewhere between unsure and a hundred

2007-04-07T05:25:16Z

hi. today was bad.

allow me to explain:
- car accident
- crying
- cemetery
- crying
- culmination of a few psychological realizations
- chinese food

jk chinese food is good

but yeah. all those things begin with the letter c.

one good thing that i realized today:
- london deadline: june

this is a relief. you'd think i wouldn't be behind and procrastinating on the one thing that i'm really focused on doing. that is the large extent of my procrastination skills. impressed?

you fall away from your past

2007-04-01T22:36:53Z

hi people. or not really cause not many people read this. only 3. but they are my peoples.

nia and i decided to update together so here goes.
it is april first which means that school is going to be winding down soon. this makes me sad for a few reasons but happy for a few reasons too. i almost don't even like talking about it. so i don't think i'm gonna say much else about that.

this weekend was reeeeallly fun. friday we went to club maple, montgomery, mechanic, green, and then i ended up at jefferson. those are all street names by the way. i like pretending i'm talking to people who don't know anything about my life so i always explain things that don't really need to be explained. anyways, i wore a really cute outfit that night but i got this boy's blood on my new white shorts cause he's a fool and did a front flip and split his chin open. its a good thing he's cute and good in bed or else i'd probably be kinda mad. andddd then saturday was really fun too. we went to meadow (wow lots of M streets) and it was basically the drunkest i've been in a long time. i drank beer which is rare and i didn't have to drive which also seems to be rare these days. apparently the cops came which was okay because i don't really remember anything from that point on. except having muddy feet and showering with kelly at previously mentioned cute boy's house.

now i am hungover and hangin with niapolitan which is one of my new fav things to do. not that i didn't like hanging out with her before...ok forget it. so i'm going home next weekend for easter and i hope that i get a cadbury egg. if not, i suppose i can cough up the 99 cents and buy myself one.

i'm going to bermuda in june!!!!!!!!!!! with j to the l-a. and other miscellaneous akins family members. should be a goooood time.

sundays are weird, i can never tell if i like them or not.
that is all.

if_isayso @ 2007-03-03T11:13:00

2007-03-03T16:20:23Z

its march folks and you know what that means. it means...

my birthday in two months
warmer weather soon !
spring break
owen concert :)

and lots of other cool stuff.

i'm waiting for my mother to arrive so i can go home for my grandfather's birthday dinner and then tomorrow i'm driving myself back. i'm looking forward to driving because i love listening to whatever music i want. so basically i already have a lineup in my head of CDs i know i'm going to listen to.
so then only 1 more week of classes and then its back home for an entire week. i dont have a job which is stupid and lazy of me so i'm trying to fill up my break with other things to keep me busy such as...

celtics game woo!
roadtrip to salve regina with linds and kim
top secret missions with linds
cape cod mission to see g-rents maybe?!

okay i should pack. happy march everyone

i don't know what you're looking for, but i do know that you won't find it at the rainbow

2007-02-16T01:10:39Z

i am happy to be going home this weekend and consuming mass amounts of good food and having nice smelling laundry and squishing my mom and beating the shit out of my brothers and kicking my dad in the face. just kidding about that last part.

i wish i could go to the owen concert with this cute skinny tall emo boy i know but i fucked that one up pretty nicely. what else is new i suppose.

kara is in cali
nia is upstairs painting her nails
grey's is on in approximately 50 minutes
anita study

is this my first survey?

2007-01-13T22:24:15Z

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to each question.
4. NO CHEATING.

***

1. How am I feeling today?
Once in a Lifetime//Keith Urban [hahaha i hope so?!]

2. Where will I get married?
What's Your Fantasy//Ludacris [wedding fantasies, hmm]

3. What is my best friend's theme song?
Hottest Thing//Usher [haha nice! my friends are pretty hot indeed]

4. What was High school like?
New Hampshire//Matt Pond PA [i guess i am rather close to the NH state line....]

5. What is the best thing about me?
Nothing Left to Lose//Mat Kearney [i dunno??]

6. How is today going to be?
Unpredictable//Jamie Foxx [not really so far, but maybe tonight? cool]

7. What is in store for this weekend?
We Never Change//Coldplay [so maybe the same thing as last weekend? i'd like that.]

11. How does the world see me?
Broken//Lindsey Haun [eek i hope not!]

12. What do my friends really think of me?
Trust Me//The Fray [psh yeah i keep good secrets, i knew jenny was getting uggs for christmas WOOT]

13. Do people secretly lust after me?
Curious Thing//Amy Grant [lusting after me is a curious thing i suppose]

14. How can I make myself happy?
Don't Push Love Away//The Juliana Theory [OKAY WEIRD.]

15. What should I do with my life?
Doesn't Really Matter//Janet Jackson [hahahahaha thats motivational]

16. Will I ever have children?
I Feel Bad//Rascal Flatts [hahahaha this made me laugh]

17. What is some good advice?
Change the World//Wynonna [wow, this shit's mad accurate]

18. What do I think my current theme song is?
Annie Waits//Ben Folds [ehhh, i dunno bout that]

19. What does everyone else think about my current life?
Only Ashes//Something Corporate [that's um kind of depressing]

20. What type of women/men do you like?
Fergalicious//Fergie [this is so totally true, everyone in my life is wicked fucking fergalicious]

21. Will you get married?
Kangaroo//David Gray [we'd have some odd looking babies]

22. What should I do with my love life?
Sparks//Coldplay [that makes way too much sense]

23. Where will you live?
Run It//Chris Brown [i will be running somewhere with chris brown for the rest of my life and i am okay with that]

26. When I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say...
So This is Christmas//Celine Dion [hahahahahahaha wicked random]

27. When my parents are angry I say...
Good to Know That if I Ever Need Attention All I Have to do is Die//Brand New [wicked fucking emo song title]

that was fun.

let's pretend we're in antarctica

2007-01-12T06:41:03Z

newbury street is pretty cool. i like boston although it doesnt really compare to new york. i want to travel the world and compile a list of my favorite cities.

break should not end. i do not want books and schoolwork and dining commons. i want friends and my mom's food and my car. and niapet/keb/christ/cockins/jennysdumb.

wouldnt it be weird if having different colors of hair on your head put different kinds of thoughts into your brain?

owen makes me sleepy.

do they collide?!

2006-12-31T04:37:04Z

tomorrow is new years eve. this holiday to me has always been overrated. there's just so much pressure to do something spectacular, when in reality the majority of people are simply doing mediocre things. i'm going to begin 2007 with my biffles from the lovely towns of groton and dunstable and i think that one year in the future i'd like to be standing on a state line or even town line when midnight comes. you know? the whole two places at once thing is cool to me, even though a walk to remember was such a cheesy cliche of a movie.

speaking of movies, tonight lindsay and i watched step up. i just want to say that i wish i was given a gift at birth, such as being a sweet hiphop dancer or a good painter or a good celloist, i dont even care what, sometimes when i watch these movies i feel so incompetent. please, what gifts was i blessed with because i seriously can't think of anything i'm really good at?! eeek. i guess a movie is a movie for a reason cause that shit ain't rreeeall!

i have 2 really fabulous new mix CDs courtesy of a james michael hewitt and i should point out that there's absolutely nothing better than a damn good mix CD and there's nothing better than a person who knows how to make them that way.

i miss my niapet and she should sign online riiiight abouttt now :-(

i think its weird that all my friends have bifs. like everyone from school does and almost all of my home friends either have bifs or are close to having a bif. maybe the winter season just brings people together. it snowed today and it actually turned everything white instead of melting immediately. it was really pretty and i liked wearing my timbs in the snow and having my feet still be dry.

okay well i hope everyone has a good new years and dont collapse under the pressure of feeling the need to do something cool because chances are its not as cool as you think
aka dont do drugs
hahaha thats not what i meant at all but it sounded cool
byeee

if_isayso @ 2006-12-26T17:16:00

2006-12-26T22:17:12Z

and as we drove home that night, the rain slowly turned to snow. and in that moment we knew that everything was going to be okay.

its 2 am i must be lonely

2006-12-21T07:28:18Z

is it 3 am? i dunno i forget the words to that song.

i was just writing in my real journal and my hand got tired so i decided to type instead. oh and p.s. i wouldnt classify myself as lonely, just yet. tomorrow i'm going to visit a dear friend (friend status is questionable) and its basically going to be fantastic.

my grandparents left today after staying for 3 days and it kind of gave me an idea as to what christmas is going to be like this year. a missing link in a family is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with, and unfortunately i dont think the holidays are going to help. its been weird for me already. i went over my dads house the other day for the first time since i've been home and no one was home from work/school yet. i walked in the house, saw that it was empty, and without even giving it an ounce of second thought, wondered where tommy was. he was always there at the house even when no one else was, just watching tv or puttering around the yard, so much that it became a sort of second nature for me to have him around. almost like a brother, because he pretty much lived with my dad during the last several months of his life.

i really don't think that you've experienced life until you've experienced and overcome some of its worst setbacks. and maybe for me, this isn't the worst. but its really been hard and christmas is making me emotional so please forgive me.

its hard to change the subject after something like that but i can certainly try.

sometimes i wonder if we ever truly know what we were born to do. what if someone is born to be an astronaut and they decide to be an accountant? its just like, how the hell are we supposed to know.

one thing i've learned about myself recently is that i truly don't like letting people down. if i had my way, i'd tell people what they want to hear from me all the damn time.

thats all i have to say for this evening.

if_isayso @ 2006-12-18T13:27:00

2006-12-18T18:38:03Z

k so i'm home for winter break and let me just start off by saying that i need it to snow fairly soon. fairly soon meaning preferably today. i need the whiteness to get me in the spirit. i went christmas shopping yesterday wearing a long sleeved shirt, no jacket, no scarf, no mittens, no boots. this is unacceptable!

well other than the lack of seasonal weather, being home is good. we decorated the tree yesterday and ate chinese food. um the tree is really pretty and i can't wait for christmas arrrgghh! i miss my baby boops from school though. its weird going from seeing each other every day to umm, basically a month without seeing them. i am hoping for a visit from my lil nia pet! but if that doesnt work out i am going to drive to her. and kebrooks. and jla obv but i'm seeing her on christmas anyways.

i just ate leftover chinese food and it was really good. just sayin.

okay i'm gonna do something spectacular now. bye!

what if thoughts were worth a nickel instead of a penny

2006-11-27T01:42:18Z

its weird to think that at any given moment things could be so different. a person doesn't have to be unhappy if they just figure out what it is making them that way and fix it. a person doesn't have to be lonely either. i dont know. if only people could learn to just settle with what they've got and not always want more. or always just want something better. but is that necessarily a bad thing to be constantly striving for what's better? or is it not recognizing true happiness when it's staring you in the face? i feel like i'm rejecting the good for something better, which may or may not exist. and not only am i rejecting the good, i'm rejecting the better, in case there's something better than better. what exactly is my problem.

chapstick

2006-11-22T05:34:07Z

i'm watching the end of nip/tuck when christian moves out and he hallucinates and sees all of the women he's slept with in the apartment and its really weird. it makes me wonder if you ever fully leave certain people behind or if they're always with you somehow.

warning: this may be a long entry. so only read unless you have oodles of time, or just don't read it at all. suit yourselves :-)

so i am home for thanksgiving break. and i'm at my dad's tonight. kinda sucks how i never get to go out and see my friends when i stay at my dads because i always feel guilty, like i should be spending time with him instead. but i'll see them eventually. probs tomorrow actually except linds got called into work which is prettty lameee! i was actually thinking in the car today how my parents' divorce affected my social life in high school. ugh. "divorce is an abomination, marriage is for life." NAME THAT FILM. (note: the previously stated comments do not reflect the views of myself or any affiliations of myself)

one of my worst fears is getting divorced with children. i think i'll be abnormally scared to commit to a marriage knowing that divorce is always a possibility. i dont know, maybe not.

its good to be home. it will be even better when i can see my friends cause i've already seen my family several times due to my mononuclesodfkskdfs-itis. oh and when i can eat turkey. but i feel like i left school on an extreme positive note, which is good but i feel like when you're so high up, the only place to go is down. i dont wanna go downnn!!! and i always freak out when my general happiness is based upon such unpredictable happenings, because it just fluctuates so much and confuses me. of course i want to just be content with what's going on, but i can't help but ask myself - what if things were different?

a certain person needs to come back from idle right now and IM me. that would definitely make my evening complete along with american pie which just came on the tv and which i have never seen fully in one siting.

i'm going out to lunch with my family tomorrow to a japanese steakhouse. i love this place so much and i cannot wait. my dad took the day off, and he says its because i'm home but i think its just because its thanksgiving week etc. haha, tonight he and my brother got into an argument about racism and it was so difficult for me to stay out of it. i just kept lurking around them and sometimes throwing my two cents in, occasionally without any type of response. it was amusing but disappointing because after the whole argument was finally overwith, the two of them proceeded to make racial comments towards mary j. blige who was performing on the american music awards. what a sad state of affairs.

i'm debating whether or not to turn the tv off and put on my itunes. kara and nia got last.fm and this inspires me to listen to more music. i wonder how many songs i listen to over the course of a day. today i listened to two entire justin timberlake albums in their entirety. it was quite enjoyable except all i wanted to do afterwards was bang the living daylights out of him but alas, he was nowhere to be found!

said person just became unidle. should i take my away message down? hmmm. i don't want to be creepy. ugh so many decisions!!! nevermind he just changed his away message. oooh well!

there are people making out on tv. this makes me want said person in bed. and no i do not mean justin timberlake although i would not be completely opposed to that option.

my dad always turns my electric blanket on before he goes to bed when i am not in my room. its funny. when we first moved into this house, my room was the coldest one because its above the garage so then he got heat installed into the garage to make my room warmer. seriously i'd wake up in the morning in the winter and it'd be like SOOOO COLD. all it takes is heat below you, and then the heat rises through the floor which in turn warmed up my room! i never knew that. i hope i enlightened someone with this information.

i wish i had said person's cell phone number. although that'd probably be dangerous cause i'd be texting up a storm and he'd probably be like wtf is this girl's problem.

my lips are chapped and i'm pretty tired. tomorrow is japanese lunch and then lindsay's out at 4. should be a doozy of a day!

:-)

if_isayso @ 2006-11-19T19:56:00

2006-11-19T19:56:14Z

this weekend was pretty much super fun.

thanksgiving has yummo potential.

today's my momma's birthday.

underrated: biffles

overrated: polo clothing

christie needs to send me new music.